What...is the Air-Speed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow?

We can rebuild him. We have the technology. Make him harder, better, faster, stronger, and not at all repetitious like the Daft Punk song that's so addictively good. In fact, we'll focus on his speed, up his agility/dexterity stats until they're through the roof! He'll move to the song "You Can't Touch This," and when you ask him if he'd like to go light speed, he'd say light speed is never fast enough.

I've run into people who seem to think that they can move so fast you can't touch them. I'll quote Spaceballs now, something I'm sure everyone loves, and if you don't, you should be shot.

Sandurz: Prepare for light speed.

Helmet: No, no, light speed is too slow.

Sandurz: Light speed too slow?

Helmet: Yes, we'll have to go right to...Ludicrous speed!

Sandurz: Ludicrous speed! Sir, we've never gone that fast before. I don't think the ship can take it.

Helmet: What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz...CHICKEN?!

With that little snippet in mind, I think the majority actually do have this mentality--that light speed is never fast enough. Never mind that your opponent may be directing a hurricane in your direction with winds in excess of 386 kph (240 mph). Let's be honest, if you were on the Florida coast and you were at the peak of physical fitness and you tied yourself to a palm tree under the impression that you could weather the storm, that's your prerogative. But face it, it isn't that the wind is blowin', it's what the wind is blowin'. If a Volvo hits you at 386 kph+ (240 mph+) winds, it don't matter how many sit-ups you've done that morning*, it's gonna hurt.

Seriously, you aren't fast enough to outrun that. I don't expect a normal human being to be even capable of withstanding that much pressure. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule here, super-powers, magic, technological gadgets and so forth, but don't quite expect me to think you've got the kind of speed, or even the endurance to keep up that kind of speed, to evade and dodge anything moving that fast for an extended period of time, or even a short amount of time without some kind of object, device or power.

Yes, I know this is fantasy. Yes, I know we all have super powers, but what ever happened to some kind of limitations? A Chinese PL-12 air-to-air missile has a speed of Mach 4. A Chinese C.801 Anti-Ship cruise missile has a speed of Mach 8 at sea level. What does this say? It says you don't dodge or evade missiles, even on a good day, not unless you can pull off similar speeds, and in reality, considering the payload of some of these weapons, coming away alive just isn't happening even if you could dodge to the left in the split-second needed to get out of the way. Now, I know that most people aren't packing missiles, lasers or high-yield explosives in a duel, and that they don't even have weapons even capable of those speeds, but coming out of that alive just isn't feasible under any circumstance (unless you happen to be packing a massive blast shield, or even some kind of techno shielding gadget, then I suppose it is, but how many of us pack away one of those for a rainy day?).

So, back to my original thought, you aren't the fastest thing ever, you aren't capable of complete split-second movements, nor can you obtain speed-of-light as you break wind. Our characters might be super-powered, come with loads of stamina and endurance, but eventually they slow and get worn out, especially if you're facing someone of equal caliber in level to your own.

Where am I going with this? Well, it comes down to dodging everything. Lightning strikes could be deflected, but unless you have the capability built in, you aren't going to be dodging those. Much as you might like to, even in a fantasy realm, some aspects of reality and physics must sink through, otherwise what's the point? You can do anything, so why didn't you just slit your opponent's throat at the start with all that velocity you could attain? Because doing so would make it boring; it's also annoying and stupid for all parties involved if there isn't any real fight.

I can't say I haven't fallen for these pitfalls before either, or that I'm anywhere near perfect in my own right now, but at least I can come down to the conclusion that I at least try. We talk about fantasy, but what about some reality to the fantasy? Or are we just speeding away from the reality of that at light speed?

 

- W. Visarett

* Paraphrased/taken from comedian Ron White.

It Came From Outer Space!!!--What The Hell?! That’s Just Some Guy In A Suit!

It really hacks me off whenever people just invent new weapons, species, breeds, etc. without taking the time to explain just exactly why their character is like what it is. Let’s take for instance….a talking house pet, explain to me why it can talk, or better yet fight. It doesn’t have to be a long drawn-out explanation, but give me a reason as to why said character can do said extraordinary feats and allow me to actually enjoy what I’m reading.

I swear there have been instances where I would have rather poured acid in my own eyes as to read the crap some people write. Hell, just fall back on the excuse, “He is magic, so he can do that.” Yeah, it’s lame and cliché, but hell, it at least explains why your character is so craptastic.

Now, we move onto weapons. These are one of the most overlooked, yet well described pieces of role playing, at least in my opinion. It seems that some generation of role players just skipped over the fact that it is good to explain the weapons you are using. Alright, so there isn’t much to the land of swords and stones, but I’m talking about the high-tech gizmos that can blow up a star. Give me the specs on the power source, how can the gun hold so much energy without overloading. How does your magic integrate into the mecha’s system? Does it just “Magically” (pun intended) happen? Or is there a special modification to allow your magic to pulse throughout the machine?

I’m just saying explain it before you use it. That way, whenever you do blow up a star with it, people know why it can blow up a freakin’ star and they won’t accuse you of cheezing.

Life -- Sucks

I stop and think sometimes during the day, an old habit. As the days go by, the blur one into the other, I forget details of things that might have happened or did happen and I no longer care enough about the details at that point that it's just easier to forget it all outright and leave it at that. Well, sometimes there are events in my life that no matter how much I wish I might forget the details or the lead-up to the event I can't.

Even when I don't want to think about those somethings, my mind always reverts back to some past occurrence and lingers for a moment, forcing me to actually stop and think about it. I might not want to, and might try to force it from my mind, but this only causes those very thoughts to come back later at a time that might be even more worse for me. So I let my thoughts run their course and all is well, I suppose.

But for the fact, all is not well.

I think of a friend lost and a woman that hates me. I harken back to thoughts of how she's probably continuing to harass and stalk me to this day and I might not even know it. Maybe, maybe not. The chances for this are altogether there, I'm sure, but sometimes even when I don't want to think about it and am thinking about it, I want to believe she's gone her own way and forgotten me so as to live a better life.

But then I remember Shakespeare and the line that "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." I scorned a woman, and no she is, possibly, hellbent on harassing me to the end of days. I take the harassment and turn the other cheek, so to say. I can't say that I'm at all happy for the harassment. I'd like to think I'm over the whole thing, although if I'm talking about it, probably not. Things turn out bad, they stick with you. Although my life is changing.

I've joined the army. It will allow me to fully forget my past transgressions, and possibly forgive the people I couldn't before, and hope for the forgiveness for my own transgressions that I don't deserve.