This is Awkward...

My friend and I have decided an extremely awkward conversation would follow along these lines:

"Hello, this is Video Express: we're calling you to inform you that The Wrestler is one day over due."

"Um, yeah, well, our son shattered the disc and stabbed himself to death in the stomach with the pieces."

"Oh, uh, um, okay."

"Would you like the pieces back? The mortician says that we could keep them, but if you want them..."