WPCA - Welcome to Hell, Enjoy Your Stay Prt 4

His name was Overmind. He was evil. His companions name was Destructo. He too, was evil. The third companion was Super Calo. He wasn't decidedly evil, but had a lot of cool, shoddy merchandise that flooded into the market and had a habit of incapacitating small children, if not killing others. This made Super Calo only somewhat evil, but only through proxy of shoddy design. This little trio was spearheading the Fascintern army, which actually didn't exist. However, in their minds, and the minds of their adversaries, did exist. So it might as well have existed, even if it only did on paper.

However, despite being evil, this trio was agonizingly polite. And though they might threaten your life, would do so with a smile, a wink and a nod. A tip of the hat, a dash of respect, and making sure your little ones got their lunch and were off to school before offing you. It was in one of these scenarios that the trio was found, with Overmind standing over a woman indicating how he might kill her. Destructo stood by the door looking out to make sure no enemies were nearby. And the least evil of the three sat playing with his own horribly maladjusted merchandise with a five-year-old boy. And the boy was winning.

"Why good lady," Overmind began, "would you mind if I aimed this firearm and your torso and activated the firing mechanism, thus propelling a leaden projectile into your cardiovascular ultimately resulting in your demise?"

The woman was paralyzed a moment as her brain took in this. She was being given an option. She replied with a flat no.

"Well, then, my dear woman, what would, dare I say, lead you to believe you have in good graces the abilities to so refute my question as to the future of this arrangement?"

The woman thought. She hummed, hawed, made motions with her arms amid the giggles of her son and the disruptive curses of Super Calo and the biting remarks of Destructo. Then said, "My husband will kill you." This led to a series of questions, all resulting in the same answer: the woman's husband was none other than Flash. But of course, he was overseas. But she did have a phone number by which he could be reached! Super Calo was given leave to make the call. The only problem was calling out, since this was a hotel.

Super Calo called down to the front desk to ask for a line out. There was the buzz, the click and a voice.

"Hello, Room Service!" came a chirpy reply.

"Oh, uh, I'm trying to get a line out of the building."

"Oh, here, let me re-route you to the front desk then."

Super Calo expressed his thanks and was rerouted. There was the buzz, the click, and the same chirpy voice.

"Hello, Room Service!"

"Hello, it's me again."

"Who?"

"The chap who called down a moment before asking for a line out."

"Oh, you'd want the front desk then."

"Right. Think you could do that for me?"

"Right-oh!"

The buzz, the click, the voice. "Hello, Room Service!"

"Hi."

"And what can I get you?"

"A line outside the building."

"Oh, well, you'd want the front desk for that then."

"You just attempted to patch me through to the front desk, twice."

"Then why do you keep calling here?"

"I'm not! You keep buggering up the whole damn thing!"

Then Super Calo made a remark about the woman and how she might have been in relation to a harlot. She made a scolding remark back and said she would report him to the authorities for the sexual harassment. Super Calo offered her luck in her attempts to call out.

"Well, I can't get a line out," he said at length after staring at the phone he had slammed onto the receiver. The Trio then launched into a long argument. They didn't notice when the woman left. They did however notice when the authorities showed up asking about a call down to Room Service and a charge of sexual harassment against on Sirith. They expressed not knowing anything about it, but maybe to try some of the other rooms. The police apologized for their screw up and left. The trio, realizing their quarry had left, did so as well.

---

"THE IMPERIALS ARE COMING! THE IMPERIALS ARE COMING!"

"Are they really?" a boy asked.

The clown, Boka, who wasn't a clown but may as well have been, screeched to a juddering stop, looked at the boy, was about to start screaming in his face when he ended up speaking in tongues. Only it was English. But it still made no sense. Oh, there were some rhymes involved. Some kind-hearted words (kind-hearted in the screaming death metal sort of way), some ominous words, and definitely a lot of talk about the uses of tomatoes in bed with the wife. This of course went over the child's head, but the child was soon saved by the appearance of the aforementioned Imperials. Only, it wasn't the Imperials. Just Demon -- and of course Beast. But, Boka screeched, spun about in a circle, ran into a wall.

There was a whipcrack of a rifle being shot. Then a ping like metal being hit. Boka spun in place and ran the opposite direction. Then another shot, a ping, and Boka, still unharmed, spun in place and ran the way he had just come. This continued until the weapon was out of ammo, at which point Boka managed to scurry away like a rat (literally), squeaking before disappearing down an alley.

Demon only watched. Beast was clapping. The Sniper (who killed the woman with the ruby stilettos but the woman had disappeared) was unhappy.

"So, what're you doing?" Demon asked.

"Who, me?" Sniper asked.

"Who else is there?"

"Well there's Big Blue over here."

"Fuzzy Carpet? Naw, I was referring to you."

"Well, I'm doing well."

"No." A sigh. A facepalm. A wish that HE had the gun. "What are you doing? Why are you shooting at people?"

"Oh, well, I'm trying to stop the Evil Trio."

"And who are they?"

"Oh, well, they're these three guys. One's evil. The second one's evil. But the third isn't so much evil as being kinda evil but with crappy merchandising with flashy labels so he might as well be evil."

There was that face ripping feeling away. Like the muscles couldn't quite handle the kind of contortionist motions needed to make all the expressions necessary to describe the serious strangeness of this conversation. Beast said it looked cool. Sniper thought it was odd, but nonetheless "very sweet, dude." It didn't help.

"That's the least useful information," Demon said, "let alone the worst explanation I've ever heard for killing people. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a very stiff drink right now."

Demon walked toward the pub...